As 2017 has come to a close I have been taking time to reflect on everything that has happened this year like I am sure most of you are.
2017 has truly been a year of “ME”. My resolution in the beginning of the year was to put myself first and get back to the healthiest version of myself. Now to a lot of people that means fitness and although I tried and failed at fitness this year that was not truly part of my resolution. I wanted to become mentally healthy this year and accepting of the person I am today.
I don’t share a lot of my personal life or when I do I have my dance and act perfect, but in 2017 I came to terms with the depression and anxiety I have been fighting for a very long time. It’s weird that even as I sit here alone in my office typing this up my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing because this is something really hard to open up about but its something I know I am not alone in.
In 2016, three and a half years after my father’s passing I began experiencing delayed grief after being strong for my family members for so long. I became this version of myself that I did not know and couldn’t control. Towards the end of 2016, I knew I needed help because I hated the person I was and felt so lost in my own body and mind.
For the first part of 2017, I felt very hopeful and more like myself again with the help of therapy. I started doing things for myself like starting this blog which I am so proud of and grateful for all the support from my friends and family. Literally, without that support, I don’t think I could do it. This blog truly became the creative outlet that I have craved for long and that was missing from my life. Also, because of this blog, I have gained so many friendships and has gotten me out of my shell more and more comfortable with going somewhere I may not know anyone. I think bottom line is that this blog has become my own form of therapy.
With the help of therapy I did start to come to terms with the person I am today but as we know with any journey it is not just a straight path and sometimes we falter or take steps back. The last couple of months I came to terms with the fact that I cannot win this battle with depression and anxiety with just therapy alone. Although I tried not to go on medication because I thought that it made me look weak or that I can’t do this myself, I gave in and decided to go on medication. But, going on medication doesn’t make me weak, it shows that I know myself and what I need to live a healthy life as the best version of myself. I always want to be honest with you guys and this is me being honest that although I shared the best parts of my life this year it doesn’t mean I didn’t have dark parts.
Focusing on the best parts of 2017 I got to experience so many wonderful things. I traveled for myself and business for the first time in a very long time. I went to Vegas to see the Backstreet Boys for the first time EVER! I traveled out of the country for the first time to 4 different countries this year, Germany, United Kingdom, France, and Italy, thanks to my job that I truly feel blessed to have that opportunity. While traveling abroad I had the got to travel alone to Italy which is an experience I recommend everyone do. Traveling alone, although can be lonely at times, is an amazing experience and I never felt more present with myself. This might seem cliche but to get that first passport stamp excited me to no end and I definitely did a happy dance!
I got to see some of my best friends get married this year and other best friends have babies (hello Aunt Alie!). To see these people that shaped different parts of my life be so happy was amazing and I was so happy to be apart of those experiences.
As 2017 ends I realize that accepting this version of myself is not an overnight nor a year fight. Working on one’s self is an everyday battle that we all deal with. Some people have different fights than others and I walk away from 2017 being more conscious of that. I feel so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life who have stayed with me through the hard times and best time, and I got to welcome so many new friendships into my life this year all which fill my heart to no end.
Looking into 2018 I am so excited to share with you all a big change in my life. Now, I can’t tell you what it is yet but if we all be patient I look forward to sharing my journey with you all in 2018 and taking this part of my life to the next level.
Thank you all for the love and support you have given me and this blog in 2017 and I hope you continue to follow along in 2018.